Birth isn’t confined to the rolling of contractions and the arrival of your baby. It is a journey; one that begins with an act of love and the beginning of life. Every moment of my pregnancy affected the birth of my child, so it is only right to tell the whole story.
In February of 2011 I threw away my last pack of birth control, vowing never to take the pill again. Its amazing what such a small tablet can do to your mind, body, and spirit. I had put on weight, suffered depression, and made an idol out of the idea that I was in control of the timing of conception. God was stirring in my heart though, beckoning me to trust Him with the plans, rather than some swallowed hormones. Beforehand, I really knew nothing about my body and the way that it worked. I of course knew the basics from science class, but I didnt know my body. I just simply believed that despite the misery they caused, I could trust these little white and pink pills to make my life simple and controllable. So did my husband, until conviction set in and God asked me to learn and to trust Him.
I found out about Taking Charge of Your Fertility, and though I couldn’t have control, I knew there was value in learning the way that God had created me. So I finished my last pack of pills, threw away the prescription and dove headfirst into charting my cycles and finding my ‘normal’. It really wasn’t very long before I was back to my old self, and strongly desiring a child. I prayed and asked the Lord to unite my husband and me in this desire, though by the time he did agree, we had already missed our window for that month.
Part of me worried that it would take a long time for us to conceive. I was young, but had also been on the pill for an entire year, which can make conception more difficult. So imagine my surprise when the very next month (May) we conceived. Its also a bit ironic that this happened to be the month that I quit my job, we moved to a new place, and I really failed to chart my cycle at all. Lesson learned: I am definitely not in control.
As my pregnancy progressed I learned to trust God with every part of it. I didn’t take pre-natals but instead focused on food, I only had 2 ultrasounds (the 20 week anatomical and another at 41 1/2 weeks to check fluid levels) in which we did not find out the gender, and I planned and prepared for a natural home birth. We found the practice we wanted to deliver with, Heart of Texas Midwives, and started attending appointments with Debra Day and eventually Mary Barnett as well.
Pregnancy wasn’t always easy. I had horrible morning sickness for three weeks in the beginning, vomiting about 2 times a day. Then shortly after that, both my husband and I (and 40 other family members) got an awful stomach bug that meant frequent vomiting and diarrhea for 2-3 days.
Despite the sickness, aches, and constant need to pee (all normal parts of pregnancy) I enjoyed this time. There’s so much hope and excitement that surrounds pregnancy, especially a first. I found a lot of peace knowing that God’s provision and timing was perfect. He sustained me and my baby to the very end, even when a hard depression hit our home in the last two weeks as we impatiently waited Baby’s arrival. It was fine that my due-date came and went, but when 41 weeks past and we had to start talking about a possible hospital transfer and induction if I passed up 42 weeks, I hit a low point. Again I realized I am not in control. I had no choice but to believe God for His grace even if I had to be induced.
Luckily I did not…
To be continued*